Thursday, February 15, 2007
Third-Person-Reference Alert!
"Whatever happens, I don’t want to know about a contract during the season...If they don’t sign me, sorry, but I must go. That’s what Carlos Zambrano thinks."
Amazing.
Guess who this Sports Illustrated quote is from! Give up? It’s "Big Z" himself, Carlos Zambrano, using a second self-referential moniker during a single interview!
"Jim [Hendry; Cubs GM] spent a lot of money. I hope he has more for 'Big Z'."
Who, outside of baseball, has even fucking heard of Carlos Zambrano? Yes, he’s the Cubbies’ best pitcher, but that’s like being a World Champion Fecophiliac: there’s not a whole lot of competition...and, if competition arose, it'd be surprising.
I guess it’s final - every single athlete in North America thinks they’re Muhammad Ali. ¶ 10:50 AM 0 Comments
Amazing.
Guess who this Sports Illustrated quote is from! Give up? It’s "Big Z" himself, Carlos Zambrano, using a second self-referential moniker during a single interview!
"Jim [Hendry; Cubs GM] spent a lot of money. I hope he has more for 'Big Z'."
Who, outside of baseball, has even fucking heard of Carlos Zambrano? Yes, he’s the Cubbies’ best pitcher, but that’s like being a World Champion Fecophiliac: there’s not a whole lot of competition...and, if competition arose, it'd be surprising.
I guess it’s final - every single athlete in North America thinks they’re Muhammad Ali. ¶ 10:50 AM 0 Comments
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
The 500 Homerun Club: Getting "McGriffed"
If you take away the cheaters & those who benefited from the blackless pitching staffs of the pre-Jackie Robinson era, there are, in actuality, only 13 guys in the famed 500-Club of Bomb Bashers...and I’m even conflicted about the 165 HR Ted Williams hit in the years before Baseball came to its senses, but I’m including him anyways - if Teddy Ballgame hadn’t missed those years to military service he’d have, most assuredly, bashed his way to 600.
500 dingers is still a mortal lock for the atavistic, actual Baseball Hall of Fame, unless you’re a basehead (as Chuck D used to say in reference to crack-heads, which I’m now converting to mean steroid-pumpers), and by the looks of my SWUNT Area of Acclamacity, 10 of these 13 were among the first 25 inducted; the others are a non-retired Ken Griffey Jr, Harmon Killebrew, and Reggie Jackson, the latter two of which will probably be inducted this year or next so pipe down.
13 guys in the club since 1947 - and FOUR are poised to join them in 2007: Frank Thomas needs a paltry 13, Jim Thome 28, Manny Ramirez 30, and Alex Rodriguez needs 36...which means he’ll hit 35, leaving him a huge anti-climax at the beginning of 2008 and me gasping on the floor in the throes of schadenfreude-inspired ecstasy.
But I digress.
No-one has ever come closer to sniffing the 500 Club without entry than the Crime Dog, Mr. Fred McGriff; Lou Gehrig had bigger problems on his mind, namely eponym-izing an awful disease in an era before anyone really gave a shit as to "500 Clubs" or reaching 2000 RBI. McGriff tied Gehrig’s career total with 493 homeruns, but unlike the Iron Horse, McGriff’s lonely little doggy was well more than 7 HR from licking from the water-bowl of Hall of Fame Superbituity; the next three guys on the career homeruns list didn’t get any closer than 475, but they were all locks as far as Hall of Fame voting.
(For the record, I had Stan Musial & Willie Stargell looking very SWUNTy, but figured that Dave Winfield would have to wait...I’m expecting an angry email at any moment)
This is important, if for no other reason than Fred McGriff getting some ambivalent recognition, kind of like Mario Mendoza and his "Mendoza Line", except without the .200 average...so it‘s exactly like the "Mendoza Line" while being nothing at all like the "Mendoza Line": sluggers such as Mike Piazza and Carlos Delgado may, one day, have found themselves to have been "McGriffed" at 480-490 homeruns - and though Piazza has already bashed his way into the Hall, having hit a huge percentage of his bombs while attempting to play "catcher", I have this queasy, sweaty feeling that King Carlos is primed for a "McGriffing".
I think Harvey Birdman said it best when he said "Sigh".
Regardless, here is the Career Homeruns List as it actually stands today, for clarity’s sake, with some "probables" and the 2007 ages of those still active.
755 Hank Aaron
660 Willie Mays
586 Frank Robinson
573 Harmon Killebrew
563 Ken Griffey Jr - 36
563 Reggie Jackson
548 Mike Schmidt
536 Mickey Mantle
521 Willie McCovey
521 Ted Williams
512 Ernie Banks
512 Eddie Mathews
504 Eddie Murray
487 Frank Thomas - 39
472 Jim Thome - 37
470 Manny Ramirez - 35
464 Alex Rodriguez - 32
419 Mike Piazza - 39
407 Carlos Delgado - 35
Good luck, Mr. Delgado, and godspeed. ¶ 5:27 AM 0 Comments
500 dingers is still a mortal lock for the atavistic, actual Baseball Hall of Fame, unless you’re a basehead (as Chuck D used to say in reference to crack-heads, which I’m now converting to mean steroid-pumpers), and by the looks of my SWUNT Area of Acclamacity, 10 of these 13 were among the first 25 inducted; the others are a non-retired Ken Griffey Jr, Harmon Killebrew, and Reggie Jackson, the latter two of which will probably be inducted this year or next so pipe down.
13 guys in the club since 1947 - and FOUR are poised to join them in 2007: Frank Thomas needs a paltry 13, Jim Thome 28, Manny Ramirez 30, and Alex Rodriguez needs 36...which means he’ll hit 35, leaving him a huge anti-climax at the beginning of 2008 and me gasping on the floor in the throes of schadenfreude-inspired ecstasy.
But I digress.
No-one has ever come closer to sniffing the 500 Club without entry than the Crime Dog, Mr. Fred McGriff; Lou Gehrig had bigger problems on his mind, namely eponym-izing an awful disease in an era before anyone really gave a shit as to "500 Clubs" or reaching 2000 RBI. McGriff tied Gehrig’s career total with 493 homeruns, but unlike the Iron Horse, McGriff’s lonely little doggy was well more than 7 HR from licking from the water-bowl of Hall of Fame Superbituity; the next three guys on the career homeruns list didn’t get any closer than 475, but they were all locks as far as Hall of Fame voting.
(For the record, I had Stan Musial & Willie Stargell looking very SWUNTy, but figured that Dave Winfield would have to wait...I’m expecting an angry email at any moment)
This is important, if for no other reason than Fred McGriff getting some ambivalent recognition, kind of like Mario Mendoza and his "Mendoza Line", except without the .200 average...so it‘s exactly like the "Mendoza Line" while being nothing at all like the "Mendoza Line": sluggers such as Mike Piazza and Carlos Delgado may, one day, have found themselves to have been "McGriffed" at 480-490 homeruns - and though Piazza has already bashed his way into the Hall, having hit a huge percentage of his bombs while attempting to play "catcher", I have this queasy, sweaty feeling that King Carlos is primed for a "McGriffing".
I think Harvey Birdman said it best when he said "Sigh".
Regardless, here is the Career Homeruns List as it actually stands today, for clarity’s sake, with some "probables" and the 2007 ages of those still active.
755 Hank Aaron
660 Willie Mays
586 Frank Robinson
573 Harmon Killebrew
563 Ken Griffey Jr - 36
563 Reggie Jackson
548 Mike Schmidt
536 Mickey Mantle
521 Willie McCovey
521 Ted Williams
512 Ernie Banks
512 Eddie Mathews
504 Eddie Murray
487 Frank Thomas - 39
472 Jim Thome - 37
470 Manny Ramirez - 35
464 Alex Rodriguez - 32
419 Mike Piazza - 39
407 Carlos Delgado - 35
Good luck, Mr. Delgado, and godspeed. ¶ 5:27 AM 0 Comments
